Insanity Is

They told me
I'm crazy
like lazy with a neurotic bent
my shame as frogs
born with extra limbs
talking to the winds
shaking in my bed
shedding social norms
like exoskeletons
breaking under the light
of my half-crazed mind
half-sighted blind
they told me

They- they are
a mysterious them
them behind social curtains
social certains that tell
of right versus wrong versus
the timing of my lunacy
the frailty of my thoughts
spilling nilly across
hearts and minds unsearched
besmirched with affective knowing
effective growing in social soils
a mind like mine that toils
and churns the fettered lands
challenges where it stands
has nothing to offer but painted ruin
nothing officially human
only madness where they see
this is what "they" told me

In beauty, as some say
walking carefully through
healing dances that laugh my pain
into quickened recognition-
superstition to the world, but I
dance freely in such spaces
paces matching ancient time
rhythms matching ancient rhyme
and I am sewing up the things
torn open by the world
the sea of faces that ripped open
the softer places in my soul
my dancing makes me whole again
and my poetry is my heart
art walking through insanity
no matter what mysterious others
try to say of me

I am not an affect of existence
purely trained to save balance
clown dancing on your "normal"
but cloud dancing in the skies
I am not proof that you are sane
in comparison to my longing, my suffering,
my pain
I am not proof that you are capable
or culpable, or mean, or good,
because you cannot stand me up
against your soul- against the whole-
and declare my mind unfit
God created and He designed
aligned the heavens with our earth
declared our birth to the angel clans
formed our hands inside the womb
lifts us up from our tombs
carries our souls in His warm embrace
knew our face before we could breathe
and all of that with such mighty ease
that calling one of His creation
an aberration, a sin against all life
or trying to fix it to your own likes
seems to me you're trying to be
a God amongst men, hypocrisy
pointing fingers across to me
damn near idolatry of the human ideology
that's what "they" try to sell to me.

But, I don't believe it- not for a minute
not for a second do I stress
I just do my best and I know
I am dancing in God's own shadow
in His filling grace
my face upturned and ignoring "they"
no matter what society tries to say.

All Roses

stumbled roses kin
to crushing madness
petals to skin in rushing sadness
sorrow leaking out
from corners meeting corners
thumbs pricked on thorns

we are what we scorn and
we are what we hate

deliberate grieving
in windows, folded souls
like molded bowls
of shattered clay- we are
fear on scrit and stones

our homes as ashes burnt in dust
the rust from petals breaking palms
the alms of madness, the greeting smile
the widowed wanting, the waiting mile

the fervent tearing of reflection
infection washing bloodied hands
we are these lands, these broken gates
these broken fates and hungry souls
these holes too deep to find their fill
the still of morning and deadly flash
of sun across a foreign sky
who am I inside these scalded flowers
showers of such deadly arms
that blacken farms and shatter homes

what I destroy is what I become
what I become is what I will bear
I will bear my neighbors trough
his bow across my bended back
taking back his sorrowed past
free at last, almighty God-

shuddered to see me staring thus
into my blackened face- unjust
and petals crushed like ruined faith
who in faith had stolen mine
had stolen fate like bruising time
I wait for him to quiver right
the just upon my heart- my part
in speaking lame or too quietly
he stares back at me- defiantly
but makes no move
no stirring up our yesterdays
reminding of the debts to pay
or crushing me in single blows
he knows, I think, the face of God
he sees it there in me
and I, in all my poverty could not see
the grace of ALL humanity

reflecting back, it seems,
into the deepest part of me

(the part that only God can see)

Petulant Whiny Banana

You know how, like, when you're 16 and everything is better said with music? You know, like, that feeling?

Today I am thinking of my family. I realized, upon some introspection....that music just won't suffice.

So, here is a video I love.....that pretty much sums up all of my feelings about my family. You may have seen it before, I have posted it before.....it just really warrants another go. If you can figure out how I am feeling after watching this......please let me know. I could use a little direction. =)