Abandon

My mother left when I was young
too young to remember
being left, or being with her

I was adopted, and raised,
by Narcissus incarnate, the flower
I was his reflecting pool

I ran off young, too young
to know the rules of living
so life broke me in half

I met my birth family, a blessing
and confusing because
nonchalance leaked out everywhere

I grew unsteadily, like water
that seeps over rocks
I defied obstacles, became a woman

waited for someone to realize
that I existed, that I was
their family

a few did

more didn't

I struggled with a sense

of abandonment

suddenly much older, a mother
success falling everywhere
and now the phone rings

you can't rush other people
they have hearts and minds
same as you, same as you

but I wish I had been worth more
than a leisurely walk
toward reunification

adoption is lonely sometimes
makes me feel less than
less than whole family

not worth knowing too well

inspiring fear or memories
or regret
or anger

like my mere existence is tragedy

but, I am neither sad nor resigned
because I live in a beautiful life
I only wish you knew